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A lot of men with Asperger’s (AS) – also called “high functioning autism” – have never been diagnosed and are regarded as being eccentric, a little odd or loners.If you are in a relationship with a man on the autism spectrum, you have probably noticed many of the traits listed below.Hearing may also be affected, and he may dislike loud noises and certain music.Also, crowds may be overwhelming, and he may avoid them all together. Sexual issues may arise if the AS male has not received an appropriate sex education earlier in life.I have dropped my non-AS 'friends' over the years as I was unable to meet their expectations that I should change to be more like them.They never tried to understand me, yet expected ME to understand THEM!To have another adult to talk to is worth more than anything. Compliments are the hardest thing to give and to take. I have been driven into a rage more than I care to admit by his rudeness, and into despair, near suicidal, living with someone who has so little empathy. He even took an online test where I felt he basically lied so that it would not come out as Aspergers.Call me an "Aspie" and any chance of me wanting to talk to you goes straight out the window. His parents are the same-weirdly rude and unemotional and isolated and very intelligent.
This can be extremely disconcerting if he tries to act-out similar scenes with his partner/spouse. Social activity may be limited, and the AS man’s wife often forms her own friendships and socializes while her husband stays at home. Some AS males end up living a secluded life style and become known as a “hermit” or a “recluse.” They seem to cope better by being isolated, and feel less anxious than when they are confronted daily by the difficulties of interpersonal relationships. Some AS males prefer to have a confirmed diagnosis, while others would rather carry on with life as they have in the past.
The pet is a friend that does not place demands on the man and accepts him as he is. AS males may seem set in their ways and can appear to be selfish or insensitive.
They may speak without weighing how their words will affect others. AS men have been known to pass blame onto other people. AS men have been known to explode over relatively minor things (e.g., a burnt meal, a missing book, etc.). However, the man may feel that he is a “bad” person to behave in such a way, yet feels powerless to change. In a romantic relationship, the AS man may resist physical touch and public or private displays of affection. Job interviews often pose a problem since the AS man has impaired social skills and may not respond appropriately, or may misread the interviewer’s body language. Males with AS have normally spent decades learning how to get by in life. Males with AS often have a reputation for being cranky and difficult.
I have great Spectrum friends and we have fortnightly family get-togethers that are huge fun. We understand each other’s body language; eye-contact is not a problem nor is bluntness and honesty in conversation. I wish I had read it about 15 years ago, before I married my husband in 2000. I am a physician myself who has worked with many children with DD and have also been reading every book I could find on the subject since I realized Aspergers was likely the cause of my husband's odd behaviors.
We make allowances for each other's sensory difficulties and can tell if the other is uncomfortable, and why.• Anonymous said… I feel that all my time is spent on how I can make things better for my husband to cope with life. For a long time I thought it was his upbringing --with selfish, distant parents, or me, that he wasn't in love with me, or I was too emotional and needy.
This post is not designed to blame or ridicule men on the spectrum, and it should be noted that they do have more strengths than weaknesses (which we discuss a lot on this site).